I WILL TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE OLDER.: 2013

The Next Day Regret

Ever post something on a Thursday, no one responded by Friday so it was deleted on Saturday?

Thursday :

Fran Smitherhouse

13 minutes ago near Lake Placid, NY

Anyone want to grab a drink with me?

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Friday:

Fran Smitherhouse

Yesterday near Lake Placid, NY

Anyone want to grab a drink with me?

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Saturday:

...

Up Close and Personally Surprised

What's this button thing here.... OH DEAR A FLASH!!! I didn't see that coming. Well sure I guess I'll just post it anyway.

The Sex Tape Night Vision Filter

If this is the part right before shit gets real in a sex tape, I want no part of it!!!

Reposter

Someone posts something on your page?

Sure why not repost it to your page again! Maybe we didn't notice it the first time!

Oh no wait, we definitely did.

The Too Soon Like

When people "like" things they probably shouldn't.

Stephanie Carter

2 hours ago near Lake Placid, NY

Just put my dog to sleep. So depressed.

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Fran Smitherhouse liked this.
George Straights: Uggh Steph Im sorry for your loss.
Jacob Tottle: I've been there, only time will heal.
Stephanie Carter: Thanks George and Jacob, it means a lot.

The Kisses

Famous people who would kiss random objects and take pictures of it include: Eleanor Roosevelt, Joan of Arc, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Kei$ha, and Emily Dickinson.

New Haircut

A picture of your new haircut? Awww pretty!

... Another? OK, still looking good...

And another???! Girl, you just got the modified "Rachel." One picture was enough!

The Bedtime Boner

"Goodnight everyone xoxo "

Hashtag

I get why we use hashtags on Instagram and Twitter (both networking sites are vehicles to share with thousands of people instantly), but why are people with extensive privacy settings using hashtags on Facebook?

Most users privacy settings won't allow you to see their status update about how much they hate bad drivers because you're not friends with them, but they will let you search for #babysfirstbubblebath?

#shenanigans

The Video Sharer

Just a heads-up, one or two videos posted once in a while? People may check it out. If you post a plethora, no one gives a fuck. The over abundance-of-videos-person, is likely to be recovering from their over-sharing-of-food-pictures addiction.

The Golden Selfie

There's nothing positive that I can say about this, except that the person who touched the door before you might not have washed their hands and now you have pinkeye.

The Bad Concert Picture

Uhhhhh.....

The Celeb Shagger

First Pat Sajak and now another picture with that guy from Season 3 of "The Real World"???!

The "Sleeping" Beauty

"Heading to bed, goodnight!! Xoxo ;) "

To the people who take faux sleeping pictures, I would love to sit you down and have a heart-to-heart but I'm sure you're too busy taking fake shits on your toilet right now. Did you wake up just in time to realize you took an amazing candid of yourself that you had to share? Douche.

When you see one of these posted, look out for:

-The friend who calls out the person for looking dead.

-The creep who comments about wanting to join the subject in bed.

The Gym Pic

Here is my main issue with gym locker room selfies (besides the point that cellphone use is generally prohibited):

The person taking the picture doesn't want anyone to see them taking the photo because it's awkward but they'll fucking post it to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Oddly enough, that shit never makes it to Tumblr.

The Picture That Wasn't Supposed To Look Creepy But Does Anyway

The Music Lover

What are you doing??! You're not even listening to music!!!!!!!!

The "Jesus Will Kill You "

I just want to put it out there- if someone posts something that says 'Click "Like" if you don't want this child to have cancer,' or "post this message if you don't want to be damned to Hell for all eternity," and you click "Like," you are a douche bag.

I feel pretty confident in saying that if God does exits, He might be a little more interested in what's going on in the world or, I don't know, anything else besides how many "likes" he got on Facebook. Also, I hear God is more into Twitter than Facebook.

My 2014 Prediction Photo

I haven't seen this yet but I give it 2 months.

The Glamour Sick Shot

Fran Smitherhouse: Uggggh I feel awful today :(

Likes: 12

Comments:

Dave Aaron: Girl, you look great!!!

Fran Smitherhouse: Thanks Dave! How are you? :)

Heather Foozle: Aw cute, hope you feel better though!

Fran Smitherhouse: Thanks Heather. I think I'll make soup.

Fran Smitherhouse: @Mel what's that chicken barley recipe you use?

Fran Smitherhouse: ugh off to bed now.

Fran Smitherhouse: Hmm maybe a bubble bath first though ;)

Fran sneezed today which means she now can tell everyone how sick she's feeling. Luckily all she wants you to do is tell her how pretty she still looks even when she's under the weather. Oh Fran!

Note: Fran will keep checking in and tagging people until she gets ta suitable amount of "Likes."

The Thinker

Thanks for capturing that time when you thought of something.

The Kardashattempt

"Kim Kardashian selfie LOL"

Just because you have dark hair and a love for jocks, does not make you a Kardashian. Also let's be real, that selfie is looking more like a Kloe than a Kim.

The Date Night Prep

"All dressed up for date night <3💋"

Are you hitting on me or just hoping you will get a "Like" from your Dad?

The Booze Goggle

Booo! This drink looks boring!!! I HATE IT SO MUCH!

Ahhh thanks Instagram, that's more like it!

The Bad Online Dating Picture

Man see's picture of woman on match.com. Man asks woman out. Woman says yes. Man and woman decide to meet at the local coffee shop. This woman shows up...

The Look Away

So we all know you are sitting somewhere by yourself, coughyourcarcough, and are repeatedly taking photos of yourself until one is good enough to post or until someone walks by you and you get embarrassed.

At Work Shot Part Deux

"Hey look, I'm dressed for work! Well...see ya later!"

The Botox

Have you ever accidently taken a photo of someone when they weren't looking? This person has that face when they know you're taking the picture.

The Duck Hair

Friend: Girl, my hair is insane!

You: ....

The Severely Enhanced No Makeup Shot

Another one of those pictures where the subject wants you to compliment them because they are a natural beauty. The problem that most people with a hint of Instagram knowledge knows is, this broad filtered the shit out of herself.

The Zoom Pic

Zoom. Crop. Save. Post.

The Self Promoter

Do you have a friend who posts multiple selfies of themselves everyday? Well if you do then they are not really your friend.

The "Me First" Part Deux

Looks like Fran Smitherhose is posting again and no one is commenting. Now Fran will tag you in a comment so she may get some attention.

Fran SmitherhoseFour hours ago
I just bought lettuce!

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Fran Smitherhose I can now make a salad!
Fran Smitherhose I think I will put olives in it. @Dana you will love it
Dana Booth Nice!
Fran Smitherhose Maybe I will make a white wine reduction sauce, have that cool, refrigerate, and use that as a vinergerette!