Mom Text: Haircut
Did your mom get a haircut? Then she sent you a picture of herself looking away and sort of showing off her new do.
Interior Shots
If a lady you're interested in has a profile picture of herself in a car still, she:
1. Is still in college majoring in interior design.
2. Tells men she just meets how annoying it is to be allergic to condoms.
*Look for an unnatural smile, and check for seatbelts.
Inappropriate RIP With Inappropriate Image
Peace to Bobbi Kristina #ShineBrightLikeADiamond #BOBBAAYBrown #LookAfterLamar #RIP
Late Night Posts
People who post old Late Night clips to others wall.
Fran Smitherhouse l> Tommy Gruntlister
October 17 2015 8:39pm
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Fran Smitherhouse:
1 hour ago
BABY!!! You need to see this lipsynch battle that Jimmy Fallon did!!!!!! Remember when it came up in conversation once and I was the only one who didn't see it? Well now I feel the need to share it with you again, even though you have seen it, because I was bored at work and wanted to make sure no woman posted on your wall. Love you!
Cracked
You: Uggh looks like my screen finally broke.
Friend: Whaaaat? Ahhh!!!!
1. Join the fucking club.
2. The type of person who "Likes" and comments on this photo is the type of person who overreacts every time they find out you've never seen Breaking Bad.
Street Art Selfie
#Art
People love taking pictures of themselves with mirrors littered with graffiti. Not douchey, but it's definitely a thing.
The Haven't Caught on Yet Post
2 hours ago near Hattiesburg, Mississippi
OMG look at what my barista did! LOL I said Fran. LOL.
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11 Likes.
Friends: That coffee company who has been spelling yours as well as everyone else's name wrong for the last 4 years is spelling your name wrong intentionally; it's called marketing bro.
Statuses That Were Relevant 2+ Years Ago
Fran Smitherhouse
17 Minutes ago in Blasdell, NY
Stop with the pumpkin everything! Uggh! #SorryNotSorry
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17 Minutes ago in Blasdell, NY
Stop with the pumpkin everything! Uggh! #SorryNotSorry
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.
The "Thanks for Wishing Me A Happy Birthday" Post
Fran Smitherhouse
9 hours ago near Depew, NY
Thank you all for the birthday posts yesterday! It means so much to have such caring friends in my life who remember the little thing xoxo!
1. Facebook gave us the reminder.
2. We had already forgotten that it was your birthday yesterday.
Tired Morning Posts
"Aaaand GO!" Posts
Fran Smitherhouse
4 hours ago near Palos Garza, ATX
Livestrong bracelets, good or bad? And Go!!
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11 Likes.
Issamemario Johnsone: Booo! Bad!!
3 hours ago
Jackson Nimp: It's a great cause built by a bad man. So good!
1 hour ago
Linda Crater: great seeing you last week! xoxo
13 minutes ago
My most hated posts of all seem to be making a comeback. I'm not sure why people can't just ask their friends, "what's your favorite Duran Duran song?" If one was in a hurry to find out, you'd call, correction, text, a friend. Adding "And Go!" just makes you sound cunty and sad.
View from Up High
The Technical Support a Friend
Fran is at it again: After its introduction to the world in 2007, the iPhone has been autocorrecting "fucking" to "ducking." Fran still doesn't get it.
Fran Smitherhouse
15 minutes ago near Newfane, NY
Uggh iPhone, I didn't mean to say DUCKING!!!
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6 Likes.
Grandma Smitherhouse: lol, right?!
14 minutes ago
Thom Thoren: ;)
Just now
Signs that Bitch is Lyin' Part 2
Makeup Master
Every 16 seconds on Instagram, a makeup artist from Los Angeles posts a "before and after" make-up picture that makes you wonder what voodoo they performed.
1980s Missing Person Picture
The picture you know a person's family would use if they were ever kidnapped.
The photo is generally blurry.
The Tricky Question
When someone asks a question and the response has nothing to do with it.
Sam Flopst
3 hours ago near Buffalo, AZ
Does anyone have a waffle maker I can borrow?
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2 Likes.
Joe Grenfield: My great-grandpa invented the waffle maker.
3 hours ago
Ginny Duff: ;)
1 hour ago
Heather Young: great seeing you last week!
17 minutes ago
Concert Angles
It's summer concert season which means you'll see...
"Great concert!"
Followed by ...
And...
Friends Who Overreact to Meme's
Brianna Groundsfeld: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHA LOL OMG soooo true!"
The Insect Repellant
Gross!! Huge ass spider in my bathroom. Does anyone know what kind it is???
*This kind of post is either equipped with a blurry image or with a question about what they took a picture of.
Passive Aggressive Breakup
"You're a piece of shit and I hate that I ever gave you a moment of my time. Over it! #byefelecia #youknowwhoyouare "
Sweet Summer Feet
"Mmmm... I love summer! New nail polish!
Statistically, everyone who is looking at your photo hates feet.
Blurred Lines.
Fourth of July Photos
Fourth of July photos come in three options...
American flag with something not American
Blurry fireworks
Beach.
The All Year April Fools
"Guys look! I dyed my hair red and then blonde! Just kidding it's from an app!! Lolz
People who try to post pictures to "fool" you are as interesting as those people who say they "forgot" the concert tickets at home whenever they go to a concert ONLY to say "just kidding, they're right here."
The "I'm Going to Describe to You This Photo" Photo
"Sunburned and golfing!"
You don't need to describe the photo, it wasn't that hard to figure out.
The Kylie Jenner
Ladies love to draw new eyebrows over their original eyebrows, or new lips over there pre-existing ones.
Weather Hater
"Love living where it's sunny and warm all season. Have fun in the snow Buffalo! HAHA! SUCKAAAS!"
Two weeks later...
"GO BILLS!!! #BillsMafia "
The 1994 Instagram Girl
Some girl whose name is probably Lauren: "My hair is on point today! I don't care that u hate bathroom mirror pics, Im still gonna do it bc I don't give a phuuuck!!!
#nofilter #haironfleek #illwearlipsticknexttime #beforeworkselfie
This girl will say she's a 90s chick even though she was six during Y2K, and knows nothing of Rosie O'Donnell and her Koosh Balls.
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