The Ten and Two

People who engage in "car photo" self portraits showcase their ability to drive safely (via seat belt) and also live on the edge (taking a photograph of her/himself while at a red light). Perhaps they're happy that they've finally got their license back after that little incident, or that the car seat in the background is properly installed.

"Hands Off the Pussy!"

YOUR CAT HATES YOU! Just put him back down where he was sleeping for the last 13 hours and go back to your Sims 3 game.

The "Why Are You Naked In Front Of Your Computer?"

 

Pretty self explanatory. Enough with the daddy issues already.

People who will comment on this includes some guy named Darnell, and that guy from Maharashtra, India who always leaves a wink face after every message he sends you.

"The Fakocker."

  Just because you shagged a guy in a band doesn't make you a musician.  Put his guitar down, he actually needs that.

"Daddy's Little Girl"

 Dear Steve Jobs,
   I would like to thank you for creating the "mirror effect" on Photobooth. It's a hoot. Now I'd like to thank Mark Zuckerberg for allowing 14 year olds to sign up for Facebook, and lastly I'd like to thank Al Gore for inventing the internet.
      Love always,
         Jeffrey Dahmer

The Deflator

I know you're trying to be sexy but I can't help but notice that cat jungle gym in the background. Come to think of it, I'm sure your personal scent is something mixed between corn flakes and tuna fish. Completely flaccid right now, thanks.         

"The Debbie"

Friend: Hey Kate is everything OK?
Kate: Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired. Why would you say that??
Friend: Well in your new picture you look pretty upset. Well uhh...you're literally crying.
Kate: Nope. I actually just got promoted at work.


 We all have that friend.

The Awkward Emotion

WOOOOOooooOOoo look at my crazy face!!! I"M FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!! IT LOOKS LIKE I JUST HEARD SOMEONE  SAY SOMETHING RIDICULOUS  BUT REALLY I'VE JUST BEEN POSING IN FRONT OF THIS CAMERA TAKING MULTIPLE PICTURES OF MYSELF UNTIL I FOUND ONE I LIKED!!! I hope my mom doesn't walk in. Waaahhhhhh!!!!
    Seriously, we all know you posed for this picture and quite honestly, we're still not really sure why. You are a douche bag.

Cleans Up Well...

Yep. Same person.

"The Brassiere"

The Brassiere

There is no middle ground for this girl; she was either intoxicated or completely sober while the said photograph was taken. If the subject was inebriated, generally within 15 minutes of that flash, their friend walked in on them engaging in heaving petting with a man or woman who looked suspiciously like Gilbert Gottfried. If the person was sober, they are plain and simply, a slore.

On a positive note, at least Victoria's Secret doesn't make sexy bras anymore so now you're only flashing your bra that has cupcakes on it, not actual nipple.

The "Deja Vu"

 The "Deja Vu" is when someone posts two pictures that are almost identical, with the exception of the camera angle, cropping, and the zoom. Instead of choosing which picture looks better, the poster displays both pictures, allowing the viewer to decide which picture they hate more.



 

Facebook Profile Picture: "The Cornea"

Cornea

Internal monologue: Hey look, my camera!  I want to take this picture of just my eyeball(s) so I can cover-up my butter face and check for any liver problems.
I'll be honest, not everyone who engages in the eyeball picture is a Quasimodo but if someone is hiding their nose, and well, entire face, a red flag should go up.
Note: DO NOT MEET UP FOR COFFEE.