That Bartender Who Hates Her Dad

Fran Smitherhouse
September 9 2016 7:47 pm

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Working at Chuckies Tavern tonight. Come play and lets cause some trouble ;)

1. Aren't you TIPS certified and have to stop serving people after they are at that "about to cause some trouble" phase? 

2. People who put wink faces in posts after saying something that could be construed as sexual are the same people who work out at female-only gyms because they hate "all the attention" they get from men.

3. Come play what? There's literally one dart board in that bar... oh, wait... you want me to have sex with you... I think?

Dick Lips

All I can think of when I see a picture of a girl doing that weird open mouth pose is:

 

Or 

Old School/New School

The Inspiration

 

The hardest part about finding an inspirational quote is finding which weird design to choose in order to showcase it.

Back to School Post

Fran Smitherhouse
2 hours ago

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First day of class!


It's back to school time for college students! Look for a selfie that has nothing to do with school, books, or the school the person is attending. This is really just an excuse for someone to take a picture, filter it, and wait for that one guy to say something about it. Points if any of her responses includes emojis. 

 

 

The Go Password

Anyone have an HBO Go/Netflix/Hulu/Showtime password I can have? I know you pay monthly for this service but I deserve it for free. Thanks!

The Gym Proof

Callused!!

 

Lady who posts pictures of herself during a workout = Lady who wears "Namaste in Bed" tank top while smiling to herself as she reads a wine meme on her phone.

The Fitness Coach

 

"You guys, it's soo important to fill your day with protein!! I love adding almond milk to my coffee  (it's super yummy in shakes!!!!!!!), eating string cheese, and Greek yogurt! Who doesn't love chocolate chips in their protein bar. I totes get sooo full!!!!!"

#BeachBody #SheddingWeightForTheWeddingEvenThoughIHadTheWholeRelationShipToDoIt #CleanEats #IHaventBlinkedInWeeks #IChooseMe

 

 

 

There is a new wave of people claiming to be fitness/nutrition coaches without having any background in dietetics and nutrition, just a username and password to some online calorie counting website. This person tends to take pictures of themselves in the middle of eating high protein food, in particular, protein shakes.

 

 

 

This person is NOT the same as someone who is documenting their weight loss story and is giving inspiration.   

The Snapchat Barfolomew

 

If you're on Snapchat you've seen a version of this picture.

 

I would love to point out how far along we have come as Americans where it's not weird at all for a 35 year old adult to lick the air, stare into their cellphone, pretend they are a puppy, and then share it with their friends.

 

The Drinking Habit

Person + Drink in Hand + Camera = Unnecessary Weird Face

 

I'm not sure why, but I see this shit happen all the time.

Child Bride

UGGGHH!!! Guys I'm 24 now! Im SOOOO OOOLLLLDDD!!!

Every person reading the status...

*If this is your boyfriend's ex girlfriend, shout out to him for no longer dating an ovulating child.

The Activist on Paper

 

"Elephants should be the only ones who own ivory!!!"

 

 

 

Followed by:

 

 

 

"Mmmmm all this dinner is missing is bacon <3 "

 

 

Listen, do what you want to do, but if you're going to keep posting the "save the animals" images, perhaps chill out on the images of the latest flesh you're tearing into.



The Robot Account

 

 

Here is something that will help you out: If some really hot chick whom you've never met, sends you a friend request, and the only mutual friend you share is that weird guy who always comments on how pretty you look when you post a new picture... that's not a real account.

Single Mom

Typical fortysomething single mom picture. Keep an eye out for an inappropriately tucked in shirt to showcase her figure, widely spread hand to grasp second generation iPhone, and a mirror. 

The Pointless LOL

"My dog though LOL" 

Umm no LOL. We know it's weird that you're posting this for no reason, you know it's weird you're posting this for no reason. Don't add a "LOL" to make it seem OK.

 

The "My Boyfriend is Better Than Yours."

My boyfriend showed up to dinner on time AND told me he liked my earrings today #MyBoyfriendIsBetterThanYours

To the people who post these bullshit posts: You just started dating CHILL THE FUCK OUT. Secondly, my boyfriend is a great guy, YOU KNOW HIM so stop acting like a fucking cunt. We are all friends here.

The "No One Really Cares Except That Guy You Don't Really Know But He Replies To Everything" Post

  

"Tough workout at the gym."

 

 

 

 

The Cleanup Friend

 Going through my friends on Facebook and deleted a bunch. If you see this post be grateful bc youve made the cut. Xo. 

 

This type of friend tends to be the most obnoxious because they have the least interesting and most insignificant life out of all the people you follow, but they haven't figured that out just yet.