The Too New to Be Old and Too Old to Be New.

Actual picture from 2007 that I wont be able to use as a profile picture until at least the summer of 2014.

Back in the day pictures? Love them! Here's where it gets tricky: Profile pictures that are more than two years old but less than seven? You're hiding something. DO NOT ADD AS FRIEND.

Friends Off.

A whole bunch of nothing.
This person's profile picture is of a random object that has nothing really to do with them. 
Kids, funny pictures, symbolic icons of current events? Appropriate.  
Purse or shoes? Might as well focus to your Linkedin page because about 1/3 of your friends just blocked you. P.S. Everyone is really proud you learned how to change your exposure setting on your iPhone.

The Naptime

Laying on bed + camera= The kind of person your parents wished you never turned into.

The Magic Eye.

"Hold the center of the image right up to your nose. It should be blurry. Focus as though you are looking through the image into the distance. Very slowly move the image away from your face until the two squares above the image turn into three squares. If you see four squares, move the image farther away from your face until you see three squares. If you see one or two squares, start over! When you clearly see three squares, hold the page still, and the hidden image will magically appear. Once you perceive the hidden image and depth, you can look around the entire 3D image. The longer you look, the clearer the illusion becomes. The farther away you hold the page, the deeper it becomes. Good Luck!"

The Harvey Dent.

Half the face, half the fun.


This is another bathroom/bedroom shot gone wrong. There is a 70% chance that this person has once dressed up like a cat for Halloween. Additional checklist for the Tinkerbell:
1. Focus needs to be on the camera.
2. Must be making a weird blow-j face.
3. Giant flash orb needs to be overwhelming. 


Doubles match in the bathroom. Flash and peace sign. Subjects are serious about only a few things in life: Lip gloss, Glee, and their Pink by Victoria's Secret sweatsuits. These ladies will take this photo before exiting the bathroom, where they will then officially initiate their journey of sexy-time with strangers they will meet throughout the night.

Over Here!

Seriously, we know you took this picture yourself, but if there is anything more awkward than you not looking at the camera is that in reality, you're just staring at a white piece of drywall re-shooting your camera phone continuously until someone walks through that door behind you.

Where Did That Come From?

This is the friend who looks pretty normal but the second the camera flashes, s/he looks like Charles Manson.


This, I guess, is just personal preference. Some people don't like clowns, I don't like winkers. I heard once that whenever someone winks, a baby swallows a penny.

Au Naturel.

"I'm not wearing any makeup because I wanted to show you that I can be natural and still be somewhat attractive...right?"
This picture style generally only applies to people who wear makeup religiously. The female in this picture tends to look warn out, tries desperately to look nonchalant, and is another one of those subjects who are just looking for attention. Comments they are digging for include, "Wow you're stunning!" "Such a natural beauty!" "You don't need to wear makeup! Stop wearing it!" The still is usually taken in a bathroom or in the bed chambers. Pay attention to the eyebrows- they will usually resemble a rotated "C,"since they aren't drawn in currently.

The Poke.

"Poking" someone (with the hope/intent of shagging them) is just a subtle way you can realize how much of a stage 5 creeper you are.  Thinking it's flirty and fun to get "poked" on a social networking site means you're 18, and probably eye shag that Edward Cullen poster in your bedroom. Just remember, you're not the only one getting "poked" by that person, but hey, I hope you and that guy that smells like a porn shop and Cheerios make it work.

Status Updates I Don't Care About

Laura Smyth, age 19: Going to enjoy some wine tonight with my girls <3 <3 <3
                        OK so I love wine and hanging out with my lady boo's BUT I'm also not a 19 year old trying to impress my friends from high school and English 101. I'm pretty confident that the wine you're drinking was given to you out of sympathy because you lost that game of Ookie Cookie and you needed some sort of alcohol to burn any growth away. 

David Knox:  Crazzee nite last night. Anyways I have alot to do so Ima gunna c wat ma boi's r doin 2nit. LMAO while im ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                      This makes no sense at all and your spelling is atrocious. Hopefully Darwinism will kick in soon and you will turn into a sea horse.

Gloria Frankenberger: i THink tHAt I Can TEChniCaLlY CAusE You tO HAvE a seIZURe IF i cOnTinUE tO TYpE liKe thiS.