Or
The Inspiration
The hardest part about finding an inspirational quote is finding which weird design to choose in order to showcase it.
Back to School Post
Fran Smitherhouse
2 hours ago
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First day of class!
It's back to school time for college students! Look for a selfie that has nothing to do with school, books, or the school the person is attending. This is really just an excuse for someone to take a picture, filter it, and wait for that one guy to say something about it. Points if any of her responses includes emojis.
The Go Password
Anyone have an HBO Go/Netflix/Hulu/Showtime password I can have? I know you pay monthly for this service but I deserve it for free. Thanks!
The Gym Proof
Callused!!
Lady who posts pictures of herself during a workout = Lady who wears "Namaste in Bed" tank top while smiling to herself as she reads a wine meme on her phone.
The Fitness Coach
"You guys, it's soo important to fill your day with protein!! I love adding almond milk to my coffee (it's super yummy in shakes!!!!!!!), eating string cheese, and Greek yogurt! Who doesn't love chocolate chips in their protein bar. I totes get sooo full!!!!!"
#BeachBody #SheddingWeightForTheWeddingEvenThoughIHadTheWholeRelationShipToDoIt #CleanEats #IHaventBlinkedInWeeks #IChooseMe
There is a new wave of people claiming to be fitness/nutrition coaches without having any background in dietetics and nutrition, just a username and password to some online calorie counting website. This person tends to take pictures of themselves in the middle of eating high protein food, in particular, protein shakes.
This person is NOT the same as someone who is documenting their weight loss story and is giving inspiration.
The Snapchat Barfolomew
If you're on Snapchat you've seen a version of this picture.
I would love to point out how far along we have come as Americans where it's not weird at all for a 35 year old adult to lick the air, stare into their cellphone, pretend they are a puppy, and then share it with their friends.
Child Bride
UGGGHH!!! Guys I'm 24 now! Im SOOOO OOOLLLLDDD!!!
Every person reading the status...
*If this is your boyfriend's ex girlfriend, shout out to him for no longer dating an ovulating child.
The Activist on Paper
"Elephants should be the only ones who own ivory!!!"
Followed by:
"Mmmmm all this dinner is missing is bacon <3 "
Listen, do what you want to do, but if you're going to keep posting the "save the animals" images, perhaps chill out on the images of the latest flesh you're tearing into.
The Robot Account
Here is something that will help you out: If some really hot chick whom you've never met, sends you a friend request, and the only mutual friend you share is that weird guy who always comments on how pretty you look when you post a new picture... that's not a real account.
Single Mom
Typical fortysomething single mom picture. Keep an eye out for an inappropriately tucked in shirt to showcase her figure, widely spread hand to grasp second generation iPhone, and a mirror.
The Pointless LOL
"My dog though LOL"
Umm no LOL. We know it's weird that you're posting this for no reason, you know it's weird you're posting this for no reason. Don't add a "LOL" to make it seem OK.
The "My Boyfriend is Better Than Yours."
My boyfriend showed up to dinner on time AND told me he liked my earrings today #MyBoyfriendIsBetterThanYours
To the people who post these bullshit posts: You just started dating CHILL THE FUCK OUT. Secondly, my boyfriend is a great guy, YOU KNOW HIM so stop acting like a fucking cunt. We are all friends here.
The "No One Really Cares Except That Guy You Don't Really Know But He Replies To Everything" Post
"Tough workout at the gym."
The Cleanup Friend
Going through my friends on Facebook and deleted a bunch. If you see this post be grateful bc youve made the cut. Xo.
Mom Text: Haircut
Did your mom get a haircut? Then she sent you a picture of herself looking away and sort of showing off her new do.
Interior Shots
If a lady you're interested in has a profile picture of herself in a car still, she:
1. Is still in college majoring in interior design.
2. Tells men she just meets how annoying it is to be allergic to condoms.
*Look for an unnatural smile, and check for seatbelts.
Inappropriate RIP With Inappropriate Image
Peace to Bobbi Kristina #ShineBrightLikeADiamond #BOBBAAYBrown #LookAfterLamar #RIP
Late Night Posts
People who post old Late Night clips to others wall.
Fran Smitherhouse l> Tommy Gruntlister
October 17 2015 8:39pm
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Fran Smitherhouse:
1 hour ago
BABY!!! You need to see this lipsynch battle that Jimmy Fallon did!!!!!! Remember when it came up in conversation once and I was the only one who didn't see it? Well now I feel the need to share it with you again, even though you have seen it, because I was bored at work and wanted to make sure no woman posted on your wall. Love you!
Cracked
You: Uggh looks like my screen finally broke.
Friend: Whaaaat? Ahhh!!!!
1. Join the fucking club.
2. The type of person who "Likes" and comments on this photo is the type of person who overreacts every time they find out you've never seen Breaking Bad.
Street Art Selfie
#Art
People love taking pictures of themselves with mirrors littered with graffiti. Not douchey, but it's definitely a thing.
The Haven't Caught on Yet Post
2 hours ago near Hattiesburg, Mississippi
OMG look at what my barista did! LOL I said Fran. LOL.
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11 Likes.
Friends: That coffee company who has been spelling yours as well as everyone else's name wrong for the last 4 years is spelling your name wrong intentionally; it's called marketing bro.
Statuses That Were Relevant 2+ Years Ago
Fran Smitherhouse
17 Minutes ago in Blasdell, NY
Stop with the pumpkin everything! Uggh! #SorryNotSorry
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17 Minutes ago in Blasdell, NY
Stop with the pumpkin everything! Uggh! #SorryNotSorry
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The "Thanks for Wishing Me A Happy Birthday" Post
Fran Smitherhouse
9 hours ago near Depew, NY
Thank you all for the birthday posts yesterday! It means so much to have such caring friends in my life who remember the little thing xoxo!
1. Facebook gave us the reminder.
2. We had already forgotten that it was your birthday yesterday.
Tired Morning Posts
"Aaaand GO!" Posts
Fran Smitherhouse
4 hours ago near Palos Garza, ATX
Livestrong bracelets, good or bad? And Go!!
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11 Likes.
Issamemario Johnsone: Booo! Bad!!
3 hours ago
Jackson Nimp: It's a great cause built by a bad man. So good!
1 hour ago
Linda Crater: great seeing you last week! xoxo
13 minutes ago
My most hated posts of all seem to be making a comeback. I'm not sure why people can't just ask their friends, "what's your favorite Duran Duran song?" If one was in a hurry to find out, you'd call, correction, text, a friend. Adding "And Go!" just makes you sound cunty and sad.
View from Up High
The Technical Support a Friend
Fran is at it again: After its introduction to the world in 2007, the iPhone has been autocorrecting "fucking" to "ducking." Fran still doesn't get it.
Fran Smitherhouse
15 minutes ago near Newfane, NY
Uggh iPhone, I didn't mean to say DUCKING!!!
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6 Likes.
Grandma Smitherhouse: lol, right?!
14 minutes ago
Thom Thoren: ;)
Just now
Signs that Bitch is Lyin' Part 2
Makeup Master
Every 16 seconds on Instagram, a makeup artist from Los Angeles posts a "before and after" make-up picture that makes you wonder what voodoo they performed.
1980s Missing Person Picture
The picture you know a person's family would use if they were ever kidnapped.
The photo is generally blurry.
The Tricky Question
When someone asks a question and the response has nothing to do with it.
Sam Flopst
3 hours ago near Buffalo, AZ
Does anyone have a waffle maker I can borrow?
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2 Likes.
Joe Grenfield: My great-grandpa invented the waffle maker.
3 hours ago
Ginny Duff: ;)
1 hour ago
Heather Young: great seeing you last week!
17 minutes ago
Concert Angles
It's summer concert season which means you'll see...
"Great concert!"
Followed by ...
And...
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