January 28, 2014
"Dave just bought me this gorgeous ring! Love you baby!"
March 3, 2014:
"Tom is so sweet! The best boyfriend ever!!"
Boyfriends.
The Perv Liker
Do you have the friend who likes weird shit and you keep getting updates?
Dave Broom likes Underage Hiphop Stars
Dave Broom likes Purple Panties
Dave Broom likes Sarah Jessica Parker
Yeah, he's the worst.
Pinterest Posts
How to turn my gym shirt into a slutty little black dress? Not necessary, but I'll take it.
How to put slippers in a box? I think I'm good.
The Inspirational Quote?
This person posts a selfie along with an inspirational quote that has nothing to do with the context of the picture.
"I've got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, 'cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar."
The Self Defensive Post
This friend tends to be overly defensive with any selfies that they post...
"I don't care if it's not cool to take pictures of me drinking out of my mug and posting it but I'm going to do it anyway!"
"Love my new mug, and I don't care if you don't like it #sorrynotsorry "
The Questionier
Remember the days when AOL chat rooms were filled with lonesome married folk, gamers, troublemaking teenagers, 48-year-old Russians pretending to be "hot, horny, and 19," and you?
I understand legitimate questions but in regards to narcissistic spicey banter and conversation, call up a friend. If that's too scary, text them.
The Drunky Sex
This broad either took this picture when drunk or right when she was about to sneeze. Well played.
The Weather Hater
There are two people in this case:
"It's cold!"
A.
"Enough with the complaining, it's cold!"
B.
The Revenge Post
This is the friend who tries to make their ex feel jealous by posting scandalous pictures of people trying to get up on their face.
The Drive By
Looks professional, eh?... Yeah as an artist I like to explore different media... You like it?.. Thanks! ...Well it's just my phone actually... No filter on this one #nofilter... Oh the blurriness? Well I was driving and took it by placing the phone against my door.
The Next Day Regret
Ever post something on a Thursday, no one responded by Friday so it was deleted on Saturday?
Anyone want to grab a drink with me?
Like Comment Share
Anyone want to grab a drink with me?
Like Comment Share
Saturday:
...
Thursday :
Fran Smitherhouse
13 minutes ago near Lake Placid, NYAnyone want to grab a drink with me?
Like Comment Share
Friday:
Fran Smitherhouse
Yesterday near Lake Placid, NYAnyone want to grab a drink with me?
Like Comment Share
Saturday:
...
Up Close and Personally Surprised
What's this button thing here.... OH DEAR A FLASH!!! I didn't see that coming. Well sure I guess I'll just post it anyway.
The Sex Tape Night Vision Filter
If this is the part right before shit gets real in a sex tape, I want no part of it!!!
Reposter
Someone posts something on your page?
Sure why not repost it to your page again! Maybe we didn't notice it the first time!
Sure why not repost it to your page again! Maybe we didn't notice it the first time!
Oh no wait, we definitely did.
The Too Soon Like
When people "like" things they probably shouldn't.
Just put my dog to sleep. So depressed.
Like Comment Share
Fran Smitherhouse liked this.
George Straights: Uggh Steph Im sorry for your loss.
Jacob Tottle: I've been there, only time will heal.
Stephanie Carter: Thanks George and Jacob, it means a lot.
Stephanie Carter
2 hours ago near Lake Placid, NYJust put my dog to sleep. So depressed.
Like Comment Share
Fran Smitherhouse liked this.
George Straights: Uggh Steph Im sorry for your loss.
Jacob Tottle: I've been there, only time will heal.
Stephanie Carter: Thanks George and Jacob, it means a lot.
The Kisses
Famous people who would kiss random objects and take pictures of it include: Eleanor Roosevelt, Joan of Arc, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Kei$ha, and Emily Dickinson.
New Haircut
A picture of your new haircut? Awww pretty!
... Another? OK, still looking good...
And another???! Girl, you just got the modified "Rachel." One picture was enough!
Hashtag
I get why we use hashtags on Instagram and Twitter (both networking sites are vehicles to share with thousands of people instantly), but why are people with extensive privacy settings using hashtags on Facebook?
Most users privacy settings won't allow you to see their status update about how much they hate bad drivers because you're not friends with them, but they will let you search for #babysfirstbubblebath?
#shenanigans
The Video Sharer
Just a heads-up, one or two videos posted once in a while? People may check it out. If you post a plethora, no one gives a fuck. The over abundance-of-videos-person, is likely to be recovering from their over-sharing-of-food-pictures addiction.
The Golden Selfie
There's nothing positive that I can say about this, except that the person who touched the door before you might not have washed their hands and now you have pinkeye.
The Celeb Shagger
First Pat Sajak and now another picture with that guy from Season 3 of "The Real World"???!
The "Sleeping" Beauty
"Heading to bed, goodnight!! Xoxo ;) "
To the people who take faux sleeping pictures, I would love to sit you down and have a heart-to-heart but I'm sure you're too busy taking fake shits on your toilet right now. Did you wake up just in time to realize you took an amazing candid of yourself that you had to share? Douche.
When you see one of these posted, look out for:
-The friend who calls out the person for looking dead.
-The creep who comments about wanting to join the subject in bed.
The Gym Pic
Here is my main issue with gym locker room selfies (besides the point that cellphone use is generally prohibited):
The person taking the picture doesn't want anyone to see them taking the photo because it's awkward but they'll fucking post it to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Oddly enough, that shit never makes it to Tumblr.
The "Jesus Will Kill You "
I just want to put it out there- if someone posts something that says 'Click "Like" if you don't want this child to have cancer,' or "post this message if you don't want to be damned to Hell for all eternity," and you click "Like," you are a douche bag.
I feel pretty confident in saying that if God does exits, He might be a little more interested in what's going on in the world or, I don't know, anything else besides how many "likes" he got on Facebook. Also, I hear God is more into Twitter than Facebook.
The Glamour Sick Shot
Fran Smitherhouse: Uggggh I feel awful today :(
Likes: 12
Comments:
Dave Aaron: Girl, you look great!!!
Fran Smitherhouse: Thanks Dave! How are you? :)
Heather Foozle: Aw cute, hope you feel better though!
Fran Smitherhouse: Thanks Heather. I think I'll make soup.
Fran Smitherhouse: @Mel what's that chicken barley recipe you use?
Fran Smitherhouse: ugh off to bed now.
Fran Smitherhouse: Hmm maybe a bubble bath first though ;)
Fran sneezed today which means she now can tell everyone how sick she's feeling. Luckily all she wants you to do is tell her how pretty she still looks even when she's under the weather. Oh Fran!
Note: Fran will keep checking in and tagging people until she gets ta suitable amount of "Likes."
The Kardashattempt
"Kim Kardashian selfie LOL"
Just because you have dark hair and a love for jocks, does not make you a Kardashian. Also let's be real, that selfie is looking more like a Kloe than a Kim.
The Booze Goggle
Booo! This drink looks boring!!! I HATE IT SO MUCH!
The Bad Online Dating Picture
Man see's picture of woman on match.com. Man asks woman out. Woman says yes. Man and woman decide to meet at the local coffee shop. This woman shows up...
The Look Away
So we all know you are sitting somewhere by yourself, coughyourcarcough, and are repeatedly taking photos of yourself until one is good enough to post or until someone walks by you and you get embarrassed. 
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